My Maiden Voyage

DISCLAIMER:
I have been working for a number of years now on development of my website and the specific style of content found therein. Throughout the process (and please remember to always “Trust the Process”), my team has encouraged me to add my specific voice to said content.

Now, I have had a lot of oversight and control of the content developed and disseminated through my site. However, I have not really participated in the actual writing of content so without further ado (cue the music) and no bullshit, whatsoever, here it goes.

MARRIAGE

And the divorce therefrom! (Don’t you hate it when uppity fucking lawyers use legal jargon like this?)

Marriage is and has been an institution in our societal structure since the dawn of mankind (if you want facts checked on this assertion, too bad, you know it as well as I do). Sadly, divorce or “dissolution of marriage” (the legal term used in California), has been a growing trend over the last 50 years. It has, therefore, been determined through massive study (and tireless research on my part), that the number one cause for divorce in today’s society is … (wait for it) … MARRIAGE!

As an attorney in private practice since 1999, I have represented many folks in the divorce process and continue to do so today. Although I have never married (Park Kez Der … Armenian for “Thanks be to God!”), I have seen my share of divorce. When I offer my solicited and, many times, unsolicited advice regarding their relationship struggles, friends of mine who are married (and maybe struggling through it) or who have suffered through divorce all tell me, “You don’t know what’s it like, how can you give me advice in my situation?” Well, they are absolutely correct; I know nothing about marriage … but I am an expert in divorce!

In my estimated view, divorce has become more commonplace in our society for one simple reason; the old viewpoint of the husband (breadwinner), wife (homemaker), 2.5 children, white-picket-fenced home in the suburbs, and a dog named Spot is now the exception and not the rule. Old societal standards forced these situations on our family structures whereas today’s society doesn’t reflect any of those “old-fashioned” values. Rather, the workplace contains women and men alike. Families have two dads, two moms, one mom, three dads, large volumes of children, a single child, or no children at all. We are in the age of redefining the term “typical family structure” and I, for one, am all for it.

I could continue my diatribe on the value of the marital institution in today’s society, but I’m writing this to you on a Monday morning when I’ve got other work to do, so I’ll save it for another rant. So when getting a divorce, if you are so inclined (sorry to hear it but maybe it’s for the best), here are some helpful legal tips:

WHAT YOU SHOULD ALWAYS DO IN DIVORCE

1. Inventory your life (all the things you own, all the debts you have). You are going to have to split it all 50/50 from the date of marriage to the date of your separation. It doesn’t matter if you’re Snow White or Adolph Hitler… 50/50.
2. Talk to your kids… together. Explain what’s happening and try to plan a way to make visitation a NON-court ordered event. You’ll be better off for it.
3. Be nice to each other. Sorry, it didn’t work out, those are the breaks. You are actually part of the majority. (The divorce rate is closing in on 60 percent).

WHAT YOU SHOULD NEVER DO IN DIVORCE:

1. Never run to someone else to solve your marital emptiness. More likely than not, they’re bringing their own baggage with them, and that will only add to your stress.
2. Never be frivolous with your money. Remember, until you file for divorce, half of everything you make is your soon-to-be ex’s as well; AND
3. Never (UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WHATSOEVER) use social media as a place to vent your frustration about your impending divorce.

If you find yourself contemplating dissolving your marriage, there are no easy answers. But if it’s a likely reality, understand that it is now a part of our societal life. There is no stigma. There’s nothing wrong with you. It just didn’t work out. The piece of advice I give is this… don’t turn an unfortunate outcome into the war of the roses. There was no winner there, but if you play your cards right and try to follow these tips, you’ll thank me for it in the end.